The Second to Last Word

I was raised by a single parent. My parents divorced when I was about 2 years old. This is not a cathartic exercise. The ideas and things listed below are things I realize, regularly, that will never be said by someone raised in a similar manner. Enjoy.

Early to mid-childhood

It wasn’t me.

I remember when my brother and I used to get in trouble.

So-n-so keeps bothering me!

So-n-so won’t share!

I had to wait until my brother finished playing Asteroids on Player 1.

I remember when my sister use to use my head as her hairstyling “practice dummy”.

We went to the Grand Canyon one summer.

That’s us at Disneyland after my sister was born.

I looked up to my brother and I wanted to be just like him.

Those are not mine, those are my brother’s magazines.

Those are also his tapes!

We would all sit around and watch “Wonderful World of Disney” together.

Dad used to take us hunting/fishing/hiking/camping.

Dad used to take us to the baseball game/football game.

We would play catch in the backyard/park…

Young Adulthood

Those are not mine, those are my brother’s magazines.

Those are also his tapes!

I used to have to go on my sister’s dates to make sure she didn’t do anything or that anything would happen to her.

My sister was a bitch.

My brother was an asshole.

They took my lunch money.

My brother never stuck up for me.

My brother made fun of me in front of his friends.

I like my sister’s friends. All of them.

I never got to play Techmo Bowl because my brother and his friends would hog up the Nintendo.

Adulthood

I have to go to my sister’s for Thanksgiving this year.

I have to go to my brother’s for Christmas this year.

I am going to my parents for dinner on Sunday.

I guess I could borrow money from my brother/sister.

We grew up in this house.

General

I love my neices and nephews.

I love my brother(s).

I love my sister(s).

I have so many wonderful memories.

There are so many more. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have siblings. A big family. Both parents. Then I think about all those families with both parents and all sort of siblings…no thanks.

You have the last word!

…we miss the view!

There is a Tooth Fairy.

The Tooth Fairy is a strong woman. Do not let the sound of her name fool you. She is powerful. She is able to lift children’s heads while they rest on a pillow and remove loose teeth and replace the loose teeth with coins or depending on the size or weight of the tooth she may leave paper money. I once heard she dropped 100 smackers for 2 huge molars. Nice.

What is there not to believe? I put a old bloody tooth under my pillow when I fell asleep. In the morning I found a quarter (it wasn’t that large of a tooth). This is not magic. This is real. I investigated this and it occurred more often than I thought and sometimes simultaneously around the globe. I know what you are going to say…Santa does the same thing. Yeah, sure, but Santa is not real. So no point in going there.

Reasons I KNOW there is a Tooth Fairy

There is written proof of her existence going back hundreds of years. It may be even longer, but people used to just throw the loose teeth away and the Fairy would be forced to leave the money where she found the tooth. Have you not ever wondered where the expression, “Throwing money away” originated? It was an oral traditional (see the oft-used expression as proof) that eventually led to some great men and women to record these incredible events for future generations.

The Tooth Fairy would only allow herself to be seen by the most “believing” and not by those who did not believe. I remember Keith, he was kid in my 2nd grade class, refusing to believe that the Tooth Fairy existed. When I lost BOTH front teeth I got a fifty-cent piece. I came to school the next day. I bought Keith an ice cream. I asked him if he liked it. He said yes. Good, because the Tooth Fairy gave me the money to buy that. Keith insisted that it was my mom or dad or something. I refused to believe because I found the money under my pillow. I experienced the wonder for myself. For kids who don’t believe, the Tooth Fairy jut skips their house. Parents, on the other hand, knowing that their child does not believe will try and drop coin in the middle of the night, but we all know that is just fakery and false. These parents just wish that their children would just believe, as they did. Alas…there is no mercy from the Tooth Fairy for those parents who do believe but their children do not.

How can so many of us be wrong? I mean there are hundreds (if not millions) of believers out there all across the globe? It is just sheer madness to NOT believe.

It is basically miraculous that she can be all over the place at the same time. The fact that she knows when the teeth fall out and how much each will be worth is just incredible! She can lift pillows (with heads on them) pick up teeth…drop coin… over and over again every night (not just once).

There are so many artistic representations of her too. You can’t tell me it’s made up if there are people painting her image!

Arguments against the facts

I already mentioned Santa Claus. That is so ridiculous I won’t even reply to that as it is just silly to compare the two. I would not be surprised to find out that the people behind the entire Santa Claus myth-building didn’t lift the concept of time-travelling and time/space bending from the Tooth Fairy. Here is another reason I KNOW that the Santa Claus “thing” is a myth. It is too simple. “He” only has to show-up one day of the year. Not even a full day. A few minutes. Plus he has rules. Rules? No rules with the Tooth Fairy. With “Santa” you have to sleep in a different room. With “Santa” you have to send him a letter. With “Santa” you have to leave him food. Yada-Yada-Yada. That is so silly.

This is the most common heard argument against the existence of the Tooth Fairy. “How come no one can see her now?” That is the easiest to answer. There is no time. There are so many, many, many more people on the planet that she has to work so fast you just can’t and she can’t just stop to “prove” her existence. She exists and that is that.

Does she “deliver” money to kids that are on the fence? The answer is yes. She is all knowing! She has to be! If she knows when the teeth are being dropped she must know that deep down inside the kid believes. This is further helped by parents who believe too.

Kids are doubters by nature. Kids ask questions and usually don’t stop until it makes sense to them. Ever been around a 4 year old? “Why is the sky blue?” When it comes to the Tooth Fairy, it is just something that exists and not questioned. It should never be questioned. There is no reason to doubt or to think it is just some ancient none-sense.

The most heretical question usually asked by an Atoothfairyists is, “PROVE SHE EXISTS.”

The answer is simple.

Prove their isn’t.